Toddles and Tiaras

            Forget about The Walking Dead or The Kardashians you should all watch Toddles and Tiaras! This show is hilarious and I probably and enjoying this show ironically but think that’s why the show managed to get 5 seasons.

            The main reason why I am obsessed with this show is because I use to be in a pageant as a kid. I have managed to dispose of all of the evidence of me being in that contest. All that is left are the memories. I had on a long blue gown with leaves on my head. For the talent portion of the contest I lip-synced to a song I hate. I was destined to lose the pageant.

            Even as a child I knew how ridiculous it was to be in the pageant. If I had any of the crazy mothers from the show I would probably have been spray tanned and flipping a baton. I can only feel bad for these children because they are being used by their parents and used by TLC for entertainment. We all watch or have watched and enjoyed one junkie TV show in our lives.

Freudian slip

            Not too long ago, I use to work at a photography studio. It was the worst out of the many rotten jobs that I have had. At first I thought I loved kids, but as time had gone by and my naivety faded away, children soon after terrified me. It wasn’t only children that annoyed me. Their parents were probably worse. Some were abusive to their kids and others were bossy. The whole place was chaotic, with Lego pieces flying across the playroom, the smell of dirty dippers and Chex mix, and the sound of bickering couples was a headache in the making and I had to survive the day with an artificial smile on my face. I hated that job with all my heart, but I left with stories that I will always remember.

            After spending the whole day at work, I became agitated and grumpy. There were only 20 minutes until my shift was over, I was hoping to just take out the trash, but instead ended up having to take over someone else’s sales. At the sales desk was a chubby little girl in tight pink leopard pants and a furry jacket with her aunt and grandmother. I took a deep breath, and then introduced myself to them in the friendliest way I could manage. As we all looked at the pictures one by one, eliminating the ones that they were not going to be purchase, I tried to hold my laughter in and keep my face neutral to the fact that the 8 year olds photos looked horrible. The girl had spunk. I however, described her look as “skanky face”, but quickly corrected myself and said spunky.   

            I must have called her a skank like 5 times soon after. I was losing it. I couldn’t focus. I just wanted to go home! We went through the photos 10 times more, her aunt and grandmother were hyping up the pictures and the young girl was demanding to have enough photos to give out to her class mates. I looked at the girl and asked, “are you sure you want to hand these out at school?” Sometimes at work I forget to turn on my filter, since I had already called her a skank, there was no point of me turning it back on. At this point I really couldn’t care less about meeting my quota for the day, I just wanted to go home. After exhibiting my worst sales-person skills, they ended up buying 500 dollars worth of pictures.

The Test

This is a test to assess if you are human. Please take out a pen and paper and write down the ones that relate to you. Ready? Ok.

1. ·      Are you annoyed by the fact that Starbucks doesn’t just label their cups sizes as small, medium or large?
2. ·      Do you sometimes chuckle during a conversation just so your friend thinks you actually are paying attention?
3. ·      Do you crave a burger after watching a crabby patty on Spongebob?
4. ·      Have you ever been attracted to a cartoon character?
5. ·      Do you lock the door to the bathroom even though there is on one else home?
6. ·      Have you ever given up telling a joke midway through because you forgot the punch line?
7. ·      Do you feel the urge to make eye contact with people on the elevator?
8. ·      Does the fact that Christmas commercials start playing right after Halloween make you angry that they skipped Thanksgiving?
9. ·      Have you ever purposely lowercased the beginning of a text in order to appear disappointed?
10. ·      Are you hurt by that check and "seen on date" alerts next to an unresponded Facebook message?
11. ·      Do you purposely wait two times longer to text back just to not seem desperate?
12. ·      Have your ever changed someone’s name on your contact to “ignore” or “don’t text”
13. ·      Have you ever Googled how to un-send an email that you just sent?
14. ·      Have you ever made plans with someone with no intention of ever seeing them again?
15. ·      Have you ever argued or fought with someone because you love them that much to fight back?
16. ·      Have you ever been relieved after a fight that could have possible broken up your relationship
17. ·      Have you ever not broken up with someone because you though they couldn’t handle it? Or maybe you couldn’t.
18. ·      Do you pretend to like something just to appeal others?
19. ·      Have you ever hoped that there is an ability that you haven’t discovered yet that you are naturally good at?
20. ·      Have you ever realized that things don’t just come naturally and that you have to work for it?
21. 
    

·      This concludes the human test. 

Just Friends

It felt like every Thursday after class my friends and I had something planned for the night. During our last class of the week we all argued on what we were going to do for that night. Some of us wanted to go out to eat while others wanted to just go home. After having such a heated discussion around people who we were not that close to, we had no choice but to invite them.

            One of the acquaintances was someone that I had been avoiding for weeks. This guy from my psych class, who shall be named “X”, had asked me out several times before. I didn’t think much of it before because I was clueless to the fact that he liked me in a romantic way. Everyone was still debating on what we were going to do when we finally decided on going to Applebee’s.

            “X” tagged along to our group desperately trying to get my attention. The whole journey to the Applebee’s I was clinging on to my friend Giancarlo in order to avoid X. It eventually became harder to avoid him because he sat directly in front of me at the restaurant. There were six of us who were hanging out and I was the only one he knew. All my friends had attempted to start a conversation with him but failed because he was too busy trying to talk to me. I however we not cooperating because I was trying to find attention from anyone but him.

            When X decided to get up from the table to go to the rest room there was a silence that fell. All of my friends waited until he was completely in the bathroom to start their gossip. My friend Darianna had to point out the obvious by stating that he was into me. Everyone agreed with her and elaborated more on the fact that he kept staring at me. This made me feel uncomfortable; I couldn’t stand being around him anymore. I’ve known this kid since church school when we were 12 and are good friends with his ex-girlfriend.

            Ignoring him is probably one of the worst things that I have ever done. To this day I still regret not having the courage to tell him that I just wanted to be friends. After that night I didn’t respond to his texts and avoided seeing him around campus. I usually sat next to him in our Psych lecture but had decided to sit in the front of the class instead. Sometimes when I see him around campus he waves hello with a friendly smile. But I know that behind his smile he hides what I hide too.

The Bucket List

            “If all goes well I could seriously knock off like four things off my bucket list tonight!” I tweeted as I waited for the Path. We were going to wait in line for SNL tickets in the rain and I was pumped. My bucket list consists of some pretty wild activities like,

1) Going to SNL

2) Camping out

3) Spending the night in the city

4) Meeting Bill Hader

            It was the perfect show to wait for since Kirstin Wig was hosting and my favorite band, Vampire Weekend were going to be the musical guest. My 4 cousins and I made the best out of the situation since it was raining all night. We were the loudest people on the line and eventually turned it into a party. My cousin Harry parked his car next to us and blasted music all night. By 2 A.M my other cousin Aslin was drinking wine out of a box and her brother Jason had brought a hookah minutes later. The rain had drenched my clothes and I was freezing as I tried to sleep in the car since I had to be at work by 9 A.M.

            I know what you are probably thinking. OMG is she crazy? Is she really staying up all night to go to work the next day?  Yes, I must be crazy.

            When I got to work after receiving a standby ticket from SNL I came up with the most ridiculous excuse I could think of. I really didn’t care what my boss though because I was thinking of quitting anyways. So I’m shamefully going to say YOLO.

            I was running on 3 cups of coffee and I managed to get though the day with out choking someone. After work my other cousin, Chris, (yes I have a lot of cousins) and I went back to the city only to wait in line again for another hour. They were calling people into the studio my fives. The line was slowly getting shorter and we were getting closer. I had suddenly forgotten that I was tired of sleep deprivation and had become excited again. One of the NBC pages took us to another line, and at that moment I felt safe and sure that we were getting in.

            Suddenly an angry crowd of about 20 people were coming out from the studio and a page said, “well it looks like we have reached maximum capacity …” Harry screamed, “FUCK!” and we all walked out behind him.

            I can admit that at this moment I too was upset. All of the hard work and suffering that we had all gone through felt like a waste of time. It’s moments like these where you need to think quickly in order to make or break the day. We ended up going to this off-Broadway show in the village instead and I got into bars that night with out being carded. It was the most memorable moment of my life. Even though I didn’t get to meet Bill Hader I got to enjoy the city and be spontaneous. The best moments in life are those that are not planned. Sometimes you have to stop focusing on what is going wrong with the day and think about what you can to do make it better.